3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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