rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
