I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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