Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
