stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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