I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
