I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize