i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
