I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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