He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
