I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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