For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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