my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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