She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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