the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
