Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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