Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
