what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
