I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
