Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
