I just made out with a guy for $7.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
