Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
