She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
