Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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