Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
