I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
