I can tuck mytits in my pants
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
