My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
