Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
