that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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