So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
