Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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