He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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