Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
