Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
