i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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