It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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