Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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