saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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