I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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