I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
