Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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