That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
