There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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