All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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