Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
