I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
