ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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