gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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