i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
