What a fucking waste of an outfit
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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