dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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