Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize