He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
