I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
