I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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