Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
