I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
