did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
