It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
