i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
