She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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