i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
