Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
