You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
