the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize