I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
