Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
