Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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