so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
