Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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