I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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