There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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