she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
