she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize