Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
its not stalking. its research.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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