I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
