I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
vagina is talking i cant
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
