So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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