so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
50% drunk capacity currently
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
