So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
