I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
