life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
