Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize