When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
