"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
