It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
