Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
