i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And then my night got REAL pukey
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
