Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sorry about my life...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
