theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
