dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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