Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
