i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
