okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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