I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
