the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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