3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Text me some of your sweat
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
