Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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