I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize