I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
