Do you still have your period?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I love you. Go after that dick
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
