Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
