We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
