Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
