i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
