i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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