It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What a dumb baby whore.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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