There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She bit a glass in half.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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