is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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