Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
